Deciding to pursue surrogacy to grow your family is an exciting time. At the same time, choosing a surrogate mother to bring your child into this world can be an overwhelming task. Here are 5 simple tips for choosing a surrogate and how to get the help and support you need as you explore surrogacy to have the family you always wanted.
1. Ask for a Background Check
Most professional surrogacy agencies will conduct a background check on potential surrogate mothers and only approve those with a satisfactory record. Background checks can include criminal histories, medical histories, references, etc. While some people may prefer more invasive investigations, it would be rare that an agency would actually hire an investigator to look into a surrogate’s past, as that would be cost prohibitive. Ask for a copy of your surrogate’s background check and review it for anything that makes you nervous. For example, an agency may allow a woman with an old shoplifting charge to become a surrogate, but you may prefer a completely clean record.
Ultimately, though, you’ll be able to form your own opinion of your surrogate when you meet her, and you should absolutely discuss with her any issues that give you pause. SMI has always said that it wants you to leave that meeting feeling one of two ways: either “this woman is wonderful, we cannot wait for her to carry our child” or, “Oh my Gosh, this is a disaster, we need to give SMI a call.” Based on our 33 years of experience, it would be very rare that such a call would occur.
2. Ask for Past Medical Records
Along those same lines, ask for copies of past medical records for the surrogate you’re considering. Review for any issues that you’re not comfortable with. While most agencies will not allow women with significant physical or mental health issues to become a surrogate, you’ll still want to review records for anything you and your partner may not personally desire in a surrogate mother.
3. Discuss the Surrogate’s Financial Security
While compensation is a part of surrogacy, it shouldn’t be the main goal of the potential surrogate. A potential surrogate should be financially stable on her own and not require the funds from the surrogacy to make ends meet. If you find that a potential surrogate is financially unstable, there could be a concern as the pregnancy progresses that the surrogate might hide important information in order to avoid jeopardizing her compensation.
4. Try to Change the Surrogate’s Mind
Talk with your potential surrogate at length. Ask her every question you can think of, and even try to change her mind about surrogacy. Ask her point-blank questions about how she plans to handle the negative aspects of surrogacy. At the end of the conversation, your surrogate should give you the sense that she is dedicated, determined, compassionate, and has a positive attitude.
5. Get Professional Help
While it’s possible to have a successful surrogate pregnancy outside of an agency, it is far easier to go through a surrogate agency that can present you with screened and vetted candidates to choose from. An agency will guide you to find the best match for you.
At Surrogate Mothers Inc., we love what we do and will work hard to help you find the right fit for you as you go through the process of surrogacy to grow your family. Contact us for more information by calling 1-888-SURROGATE.